i fall for propaganda <3

i believe the stories I tell myself,

I belive it all. Sometimes, partially.

I tell myself i’m in love, I tell myself i do not want this anymore, I tell my lover that i love them, i frustrate myself with the idea of divine love. i pray to god and then i surrender to the outcome. the devil shows up in front of me and it asks me to look closely. i confuse myself again.

I swear that I will change and I forgive myself for ever thinking I was wrong.

I come in hot and ready and I leave untouched and cold.

I never stay away, as much as I dread my beautiful way back.
I never go home and I always find it.

I stay and I go.

I ask you to never give me any more of your love. but you don’t give me much thought since my dissolution in your dream. I say that because i think that’s what you think.

I forget I’m not the star of your show, I’m the star of mine.

I find my reflection everywhere I look.

Wisdom or narcissism.

i fall.

into the trap of self discovery and the path of separation.

propaganda tells me heaven is a home, love is everywhere, everything is god.

romantic heartbreaks and groundbreaking engagements.

Unstable story arcs.

I fall.

For the idea that forever is a condition. rather than a transition.

Brainwashing myself into knowledge, ¿does that make me conscious?

resting on the sand of infatuation, it’s not summer anymore.

I took a hit of the winter wind and it’s been a while since i noticed where that lead me.

dug into a rabbit hole, it was all a coincidence.

This is all a lesson of my deepest craziest manifestation.

if it goes away now, it would be just fine.

Left with a void of connection, left with the wires though.

So, perhaps it’s worth just waving my white flag. irish goodbye, samurai ending when i’ve departed at night.

but that is not it either.

Lost in my words.

I float through the visuals that my body makes and i write what i think they said.

No objective goal, not a concrete plan, a flowy unwrapping of thoughts that come and go without a rounded thesis.

No specific doctrine.

101 philosophy for a wild woman.

no bobby pins in her hair, no foundation on her face.

just salt and breeze.

beach and forest.

There’s the blend and the integration.

Two life forces create a new plane.

Different terrains, unimaginable and yet possible.

I am not inmune, to the scrolling and the personalized marketing , to the behavioral intelligence modeling, or to the analytics that constantly try to identify me and my desires.

I fall.

For the lies and the drama, for the gossip and the echo chamber of media noise.

I fall.

For the illusion that love must check all my boxes.

Then I remember, I am rarely ever convinced enough to tie myself to a theory and every one of its pockets.

I fall.
For the identity politics and the misleading narratives.

Forgetting how silly life truly is, remembering that everything has a purpose and sometimes the purpose is to just be.

I fall.

For the idea that, if the external world is perfectly aligned I will be able to find happiness again.

As if higher states came from objective facts.

Nobody loves exactly the same way I do, given that we find beauty differently.

So,

I fall for it and I play the game, I give in until I r

Remember.

I fall for the ideas that I project and confirm my bias.

I fall.

I rise.

Awake as it comes back to me, that I am life experiencing itself, that I am capable of creation, that I build what I reinforce.

I fall again,

this time I do not marry myself to the pain, or the idea of betrayal, no enemies and nothing to compare.

I fall knowing that I’m falling.

I notice when I do.

Without guilt or shame, there’s nothing to be upset about, it’s the human condition.

The impermanence of life.

Eternity of love.

I fall,

for the dream that love is the only truth,

this time with freedom; No condition, no person, no list of law.

I fall.

For the realization that my projection comes from within, no matter how much I try to bend the outside world, if I must embody it first, the only manifestation I wish for is love.

I fall.