Fall in Love Alone

It feels like we get each other. 

It feels, to me, like we’re made to be.

Realizing is harder than loving, 

how likely you’re not about me.

I fall in love alone, “it’s fine!”

the way I always choose you even when you’re nowhere to be found.

Perhaps, every name in your list you have touched, 

I don’t doubt they fall for you like I have. 

I fall in love alone, “is that true?”

I meant every single word I said to you.

Feeling that way even today,

I bet I’m not the only one.

I want to say it’s your mars, and your eyes,

and the fingers… I know I’ve held between mine.

I have no proof and no evidence to find, 

no desire, to make a case against you.

If you have done the things no one dares to hear about a lover,

to me that is almost the point.

Perhaps I need to see it, maybe I’m bounded by magic to this world. 

I fall in love alone,

the way I dream about your love,

an embrace that slips away as time goes by. 

I voice to never look at you the same, that’s not true.
I take it back.

This is about what I found out, 

about myself, by the way. 

I wish to know how you feel about it,

I would still pour into your soul like I was made to be your water. 

Can’t tell if you’re begging God I leave your way, to exit your life, the way I hold onto our path…

I fall in love alone, perhaps. 

And I never cared to blink twice as I walk into the darkness with my heart out,

the protective shield I brought. 

The internet suggests many pictures and accounts, ¿are they on your wish list? or…

¿the list we go after we got to know?

It’s not about you, my life, 

but it’s so valuable to me that I’ve seen it.

I had a taste, and I tried other flavors, 

nothing feels as deep. 

I vowed to devote myself to a principle, a philosophy that set me free but kept me rooted. 

I fall in love alone and I never cared if I must be honest. 

If it was just me with the blindfold, how naive is it… to trust it?

I find myself thinking about nonsense, because I end up forgetting about the mind, only listen to my heart. 

The way I must dig down until I warm my body with the core of the matter. 

I fall in love, 

easily.

And, about myself,

That’s what shouldn’t shock me but does,

my ability to write a thousand love letters about you;

mostly because, our experiences, I drown them in taste.

The hardest part today (only as I revisit this now) is how I put my fantasy on a pedestal and glamorize your actions, as if you had asked me, like we were destined to meet.

I think now, we were destined, so that I could learn this is what I do.

Painting everything pink, like in kindergarten when they called my parents in to school because I refused to color in any other color.

I say it’s your eyes, your ego, I say it’s the mars, the Leo, the sun or rising or the moon, the yo-no-se-qué-

and I gravitate towards the same energies,

any lover that might read this, yes! This is also about you.

Romántico, ¿acaso no?

That I find ways to make every breath a mystical experience of divine intervention, fated.

That’s my flaw, that’s my plutonikkkk curse.

The root at my core, it is pink.

The veil with which I blindfold myself and call it love.
from the very beginning.

I will remember us, it was pretty, and I will also discern (finally! Now)…

I fall in love because I love the feeling, I love the theory, I love digging all the way unto the bottom,

I love filling myself up until I cannot bear it.

And it is, god’s creation! Willed by the Universe.

As I am.

I fall in love because I love myself so much I cannot understand how someone would meet me and kiss me and feed me some chivalrous talk, and not want to make me the woman of their life. The center of their wholeness.

so, really, am I in love or is it the ego? Realized in its highest form.

It really doesn’t matter to me now, it just feels different.

Infatuated by the possibility.

I still love every kiss, and all the people I met, as I was leaping into this version of me.

I love you and how adorable and heavenly you are, and I love them, so much too!

ugh, maybe we all should meet and be full of love…

¿see what I mean?

I get enthusiastic and overly forgiving, until I realize the magic is in the believing and I no longer trust in it.

not because they are not actually worthy, but because I decorate away. Till I drive myself to the road of no return where I dissolve the dream.

It vanishes like cotton candy, maybe that part is not on me.

Different from making a home with somebody, maybe that will be the biggest telling of all.

But now, coming back to now,

I fall in love! And I’ll do it again, until I no longer find the appeal (seriously, I might always)

and sure, I romanticize it.

I think everything is aligned and I cross my heart in prayer, it is!

my biggest ritual.

Not only is it mystified and divine, it’s sacred to me.

The lovers, and their lovers, and their story, just like their pull towards me…

My Venus, their karma, Chiron, every celestial body.

I fall in love, and I love it.

So yeah, alone I fell for you, but honestly, I think it was

…simply

Cuz that’s who I am.

What I wanted to externalize.

Now, how do I end this…

The writing, I mean.

Sure, I fall in love alone, but I do only after I’ve been touched, moved, persuaded.

If I didn’t pay attention, or gave it mind, I wouldn’t be in this logical dilemma of longing.

I fall in love alone; not in isolation but in silence.