materialize

it’s like i’m cursed and I do it myself,

every picture i cut—

like a vow to death.

Seems like what I touch, 

I try to make come true,

vastly insatiable fall.

Everything I grip,

fades when I unclench,

I try to control endings away.

Materialize a safety net,

materialize a love that’s can’t be generated.

When I speak out loud, 

I already lost the magic.

It’s like when I try,

materialize won’t happen.

Imagining my future, 

like fate is not in control,

predict my own transits—

I’m not the creator nor the martyr.

Staying when I should go,

bending till I break,

I like to feel the weight.

When I think I got it,

there was nothing to claim mine.

Imaginative and consumed,

by dreams that I idealize.