ego

i love you so much,

it aches.

The story I told myself, of who i really am.

i get in my head when you stop asking me about myself.

I’ve invested and given,

I have modeled my body and my aesthetic,

my playlists.

My life.
¿Can you tell I’m so different from everyone else?

My beautiful mirror, the distortion of my psyche,

I love to cling unto the story of who you paint me to be.

Attempting to convert everyone to my vision.

Ego, girl!

You’re so kind to me when you tell me what I want to hear.

Fix me my fix.

I desire you so much and crave you real bad,

when you give me the feedback I chant to receive.

If I wear my expensive little shoes,

with luxurious undergarments,

pay my little dues to elitist institutions,

maybe that means I’m the coolest—

No, the baddest!

The absolute goddessest of them all.

My divine power.

Let me have my cake and let me eat it while I sunbathe,

but having the cake is not merely enough,

not even while my body is oiled up and my insides are replenished,

I need the world to validate me.

Tell me I’m hotter than your other follows,

preach my words like I’m the holy scripture,

I will fall apart if I am not supreme.

This society must know how niche and esoteric,

in the hype of the word,

how smart and incredibly gifted…

I am.

Oh, I love you so much when my feed looks like the image,

of me,

I crafted and perfected.

When I dance and my feet are in perfect pointe, even if I’m stiff in pain.

Look at how I eat the world whole and I become everything I am, everything I chase.

Let me be veraacammi.com,

no no no,

let me be Veraacammi on the social apps,

where everyone goes and visualizes,

put me on the leaderboard and cash my likes,

I want a million comments on how perfect I am!

Oh,

how I love you when you poison my mind,

as if I were timeless by identity,

as if I were foreign to this awareness,

a gem from another world,

oh!

I love you so much when you praise me,

all the material words and the riches,

I most of all want a mirror,

that reflects on the whole universe’s face;

In the exact way I idealize myself.

Give me everything I want,

let me dictate my life,

not just mine, everyone else’s.

Oh, I worship you when you project me,

just like a beauty icon, a sex symbol, an extraordinary litterateur, an enlightened angel.

I must be everything,

I have to be the thing.

Ego, don’t you leave me.

Shattered by a tiny sting.

I must never be rejected, lost or questioned.

Let me be the only one.

The perfect version of who I think I am.